can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
