Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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