Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
