I wish I could teleport
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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