If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
