I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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