Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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