Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
