I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
