Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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