he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
