it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
