Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
