hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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