Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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