you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
