but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i think i just lost a toe
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
