I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
