yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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