At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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