woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
