Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
