the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
