I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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