Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I skipped work to stalk him.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
