I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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