I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
