I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think we might need a safe word for this...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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