I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
