a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
