I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
