Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
