my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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