i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
