Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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