Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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