Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
