Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
