Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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