i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
