Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
