walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
