Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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