I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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