Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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