obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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