you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
