Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
