my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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