why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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