Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The feeling are messing with the penis
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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