We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
