I don't usually arrange sex via text message
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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