remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my shit smells like andre
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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